Child Lost

Child Lost
When my parents problems
seemed so large,
and mine so small.
I fell silent and asked on more.

Drew in the pain in, stuffing it.
Locked it in that deep dark place,
where I rarely go.

That place where gargoyles
and demons live.
Where rampant anger dwells.

I dare not go there,
for when I emerge.
Someone may get hurt,
when feelings swell.

I will explode.
The blast ,
destroying the city.
Leaving a crater
to the threshold of Hades.

When will it all end?
I can’t go on.
Should I find a speeding car?
A gun?

My lovers leave me.
And others as well.
I am so ashamed.
What’s wrong with me?

What have I done so bad?
Why doesn’t anyone accept me as I am?
I hang my head in shame,
dare not look anyone in the eyes,
lest they see my pain.

Be strong like a good little one.
Carry that load with dignity.
Why are you slouching?
Straighten that back!

Why can’t you play quietly,
like other kids?
I’ve worked hard,
given you all I could.

Where is the love?
Where are the hugs and kisses I need?
I just wanted to sit
in your lap and talk.

Why can’t we go to the park?
What do you mean,
my kitten is dead?
What happened to spot?
Why did you get rid of him?

I don’t want to get up in the mornings.
There’s nothing to look forward to.
I escape to that special place,
where I can be anything.

Where people want and need me.
Where I can do good
and help the world.
If only I could stay here forever.

The alarm rings, mom calls
the euphoria is gone.
I must be strong,
must carry on.

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